And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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