the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think your dad took our porno
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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