Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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