Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.