Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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  (724): Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions. http://tfl.nu/lnut
  Replies (29) Good night (1018) Bad night (2621)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

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  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (93) Good night (11455) Bad night (1164)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

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  (201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice. http://tfl.nu/k20h
  Replies (76) Good night (807) Bad night (7446)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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  (570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2
  Replies (45) Good night (6099) Bad night (1991)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  this just has baby written all over it

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  (859): this just has baby written all over it http://tfl.nu/ltui
  Replies (6) Good night (634) Bad night (4284)
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  (646): View more from New York

  you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor

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  (646): you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor http://tfl.nu/zdss
  Replies (3) Good night (1483) Bad night (1036)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now

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  (617): So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now http://tfl.nu/xd86
  Replies (3) Good night (2116) Bad night (639)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line

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  (516): I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line http://tfl.nu/kwv6
  Replies (10) Good night (878) Bad night (3105)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!

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  (607): I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud! http://tfl.nu/toc7
  Replies (7) Good night (4153) Bad night (804)
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  (916): View more from California

  I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.

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  (916): I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions. http://tfl.nu/tje6
  Replies (4) Good night (762) Bad night (583)
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  (510): View more from California

  Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me

  (206): View more from Washington

  That is an interesting fear as well as image

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  (510): Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me (206): That is an interesting fear as well as image http://tfl.nu/r0xy
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (538)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.

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  (513): Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth. http://tfl.nu/s6hy
  Replies (5) Good night (1863) Bad night (437)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.

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  (703): Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life. http://tfl.nu/38t1
  Replies (4) Good night (915) Bad night (458)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do

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  (608): Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do http://tfl.nu/pe9f
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (250)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.

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  (425): Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with. http://tfl.nu/lpz8
  Replies (4) Good night (788) Bad night (367)

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