I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner