i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN