Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

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  (405): I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat. http://tfl.nu/2u5h
  Replies (17) Good night (2492) Bad night (921)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like

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  (901): i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like http://tfl.nu/ceub
  Replies (41) Good night (3158) Bad night (981)
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  (951): View more from California

  My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now

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  (951): My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now http://tfl.nu/leuk
  Replies (13) Good night (4423) Bad night (1530)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3331) Bad night (1303)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic

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  (908): Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic http://tfl.nu/xmss
  Replies (4) Good night (2591) Bad night (896)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer

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  (313): I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer http://tfl.nu/w7yv
  Replies (8) Good night (2195) Bad night (872)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.

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  (402): Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year. http://tfl.nu/x76y
  Replies (18) Good night (3651) Bad night (880)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.

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  (316): Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired. http://tfl.nu/ogws
  Replies (27) Good night (2847) Bad night (694)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.

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  (651): You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out. http://tfl.nu/2o8m
  Replies (5) Good night (2163) Bad night (559)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

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  (314): New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there? http://tfl.nu/271n
  Replies (4) Good night (1608) Bad night (481)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."

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  (616): When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED." http://tfl.nu/uf90
  Replies (8) Good night (1648) Bad night (902)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.

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  (734): Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword. http://tfl.nu/ec7y
  Replies (1) Good night (887) Bad night (390)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well

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  (614): Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well http://tfl.nu/giyd
  Replies (14) Good night (560) Bad night (337)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.

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  (615): Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud. http://tfl.nu/i1my
  Replies (7) Good night (845) Bad night (481)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises

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  (708): Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises http://tfl.nu/4oct
  Replies (1) Good night (614) Bad night (244)

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