She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
