sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
