wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
