Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
