I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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