we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
