I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
