If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
