we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
