Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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