...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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