let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
