i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
