his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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