I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
