Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
