im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
