If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she looked like the before picture.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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