Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I still have a little drunk in my system
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
