just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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