dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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