youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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