Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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