I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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