why do cheetos always look like penises
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
