just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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