I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
