Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
