I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize