I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
