so explain again why im purple
no
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
