I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
