I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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