apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
