A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
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There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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