I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
