Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
