we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
