All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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