I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
