so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
