Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
