Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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