the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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