Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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