Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
