so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
