the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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