So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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