Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
