He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
