the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i black out too much to be "responsible"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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