pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often