we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.