just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
