Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.