WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
