you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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