Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
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Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?