I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Redeem this text for a blowjob
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album