life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
