just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
