Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
