Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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