As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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