Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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