wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
