And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
