the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
