but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
