i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
