I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
