Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
