Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize