the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
