Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
