so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
