Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
