Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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