She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Never joke about your clitoris.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
