She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
