well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
