Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
