just come out here and I will go home with you...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
